Baby Sling Parents – Definitive Guide To Baby Carriers

This post is the first in a series about gentle parenting through potential power struggles with your toddler or preschooler. (1) Each post will give you ideas and examples for using love, patience, and creativity to work through some fairly common areas of concern: brushing teeth, getting into the car seat, meals/eating, shopping, diaper changes, picking up toys, traveling, transitions, and more. I welcome your gentle/respectful parenting ideas and feedback.

Parenting a toddler or preschooler can be tough. Here we have these little people with minds of their own, and their wants often don’t mesh with our ideas of what is good for them. Thus power struggles are born. Parents have three options in the face of a power struggle:

1) force your will onto your child by power, coercion, or duress;
2) give in to the child;
3) use love and patience to come to a solution with the child.

The goal in our house is to use the third option. We do not believe that forcing our child into compliance, or alternatively never having expectations of him, teaches him how to function in society. We would rather use love and communication so that everyone comes out of potential power struggles with their needs met.

I hope some of theses ideas will help you meet your child’s needs for autonomy while also taking care of their need to learn good oral hygiene.

Ideas to Make Tooth Brushing a Positive Experience

Start early: from the time your baby cuts his teeth, get in there every day with a toothbrush. You don’t need toothpaste – just wet the bristles. This will help get your child accustomed to the feel of the brush and the routine of brushing. Don’t force the brush into his mouth though, ask him. Let him hold and play with the brush, let him help. Make it fun – smile, sing, playfully tap his nose with the brush. Make the experience a fun one, but at some point try to get in there and tell him “and now we’re brushing your teeth! Let’s get them nice and clean.” (or something to that effect)

Let them see you brush your teeth: I know, we never get the bathroom to ourselves. But in this case it might help establish good habits. Brush and floss in front of your child – be a role model!

Let them brush your teeth: turn about is fair play, right? Let your child have some control – give her the chance to brush your teeth too. Having someone brush your teeth can induce a feeling of helplessness or loss of control (think about what it’s like to sit in the dentist’s chair!). Your child might feel better if she can regain some of that control by being in the brusher’s position.

Try fun toothbrushes: toothbrushes come in a variety of colors and designs. You can find toothbrushes that spin, toothbrushes that talk, and toothbrushes with your child’s favorite character.

Allow your toddler to choose a flavor: once you start using toothpaste, get a variety of flavors and let your child choose which one to use at each brushing. Again, this gives him some control of the situation. (2)

Get a special cup to rinse with: Our son uses his Jayhawk cup, and it’s only for rinsing. He loves standing on his step stool to fill the cup, take a drink, and dump it out. Getting a minute to play in the water is definitely part of the draw.

Use a timer or have a special song: if your main gripe is the amount of time your toddler lets you brush, get a timer (find one that doesn’t scare your toddler when it rings) or try singing a long (and silly) song.

Tell stories: create happy, magical stories about brushing teeth. Please, don’t tell scary stories about “the kids who don’t brush.” Make the stories something your child will look forward to – let him be the star of the story. If your toddler is old enough to help narrate, let him fill in some of the details of the story as you brush.

Brush a doll: get a doll or stuffed animal, and let your toddler brush the doll’s teeth. Pay attention while she acts it out – you can learn what parts of tooth brushing might be scary or uncomfortable for her, and you can talk to her about ways to make it more comfortable. For ideas on how to use make-believe a time to reconnect and work through problems, pick up a copy of Playful Parenting.

Make a schedule: if your toddler gets comfort from seeing her schedule, create a chart of what activities you do each morning and evening (those are the two times of day we brush). Using pictures, show a typical sequence – wake up, go potty, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth. It might be comforting for your toddler to know “what comes next.”

Take special shopping trips: make your toddler part of the toothbrush and toothpaste decisions – take him shopping and let him help you pick out his special supplies.

Have a “toothbrush hunt”: when it’s time to switch brushes, hide the new toothbrush and give your toddler clues about where to find it.

Brush the food away: As you brush, pretend that you are brushing away all of the food your toddler ate that day. Let your toddler help you “find” bits of food. “Whoa – did you see that back there? Blueberry pancake! Wait – I see some of the carrots we had at lunch!”

For all of these ideas, I would caution parents not to use any of them as “rewards” for good tooth brushing. You don’t want to turn brushing teeth into a “rewards” v. “punishment” experience. Try to make it positive each time, even if it takes longer than you’d like or it doesn’t go exactly as planned. Have faith that your toddler will learn how to brush her teeth eventually, it just takes patience and kindness from you now.

What ideas do you have to help make brushing teeth a good experience? Please share them in the comments.

_______________________

(1) This post was originally published on Code Name: Mama.
(2) For information on why you should consider choosing fluoride-free toothpaste, read “Fluoride: What Every Parent Should Know” by Paige at Baby Dust Diaries.

Dionna writes at Code Name: Mama, where she shares information, resources, and her thoughts on natural parenting and life with a toddler (almost preschooler now!). Please take a moment to subscribe to her RSS feed for free updates, or stop by her Facebook page for more personal interaction. Dionna also co-founded NursingFreedom.org, a site dedicated to normalizing breastfeeding, anytime and anywhere. Join us on Facebook for fun and educational conversations about breastfeeding.

Related posts:

1. Listening to Her Protest (very loudly)
2. Gentle Baby and Toddler Sleep Tips
3. To Potty Consistently

Is he a good baby? You ask, as you ring up my groceries.

It’s 5PM on a Friday. I’ve been waiting in line for quite some time, and my two girls are getting ready to have meltdowns. I’m holding my baby boy in my tired, aching arms because for some reason he decided he didn’t like to ride in the sling today, and he is too young to sit up in the carriage.

I know you are trying to make conversation. I know you are reaching out to me, a stranger, because you think the baby I’m holding is adorable. I know you are trying to be nice.

I know all these things, and yet I still have to grit my teeth and pause before answering. You have no way of knowing that you just asked me the question that I despise the most.

When my girls were infants, I never minded that question. They both fit society’s idea of what a “good” baby should be; neither cried very much and were very content, and both slept through the night starting at four weeks old.

But my son? At three months old, he is what the revised version of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding calls a “Sparkler”: a baby who is “doing, fussing, and demanding all the time.” My son never seems to be content. He’s always fussing, always demanding to be held, always needing some kind of input.

My son does not fit society’s view of a “good baby”.

But then…does that make him a bad baby? No. I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as a bad baby. All babies are good babies.

To be asked that question all the time can be draining. I have a friend who, when asked this question about her lovely infant daughter, will sometimes reply “Well she’s a bit of an arsonist but we are trying to break her of that habit”. Why can’t our society just accept babies as they are, as nature designed them, instead of trying to turn them into scheduled, convenient packages that fit into our lives exactly as we want them to?

Having a baby whose problems were not solved by bringing him to the breast; having a baby who at times I can not calm, not matter what I do; having a baby who cried so much at me that at times I took it as a personal rejection…it hasn’t been easy.

But he is not a “bad” baby. He’s my baby. He’s my baby with his own strong personality. He’s my baby that I love to hold, even when he is fussy. He’s my baby that I will wake up in the middle of the night for and stay awake, just to watch him sleep peacefully. He’s my baby that I kiss and hug, bury my nose in his hair and breathe in the wonderful baby smell.

Is he a good baby?

It’s 5PM on a Friday night, and my arms are so tired that they feel like they are going to fall off. You are smiling at me, waiting for my answer.

Yes, he is.

Then I bury my nose in his hair….and breathe deep.

Shelly is a homeschooling mom of three and birth and postpartum doula. She blogs daily at Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother.

Related posts:

1. Chip, Chip, Chip
2. Permission to Parent?
3. Baby Top Ten List: What your baby is really trying to tell you

My family took our first major road trip this summer. We’ve taken smaller road trips before, but this year’s trip was to last 2 ½ weeks. My husband and I had been planning this trip for almost a year, and our whole family was looking forward to it!

Our final destination was over 1000 miles from our home, and while it is possible to drive it in two days, we decided not to do that. The kids, 8 and 5, had never been in a car for that long before, and to be honest, we wanted to make this easy on them. After all, this trip was for the entire family; we all have a right to enjoy ourselves! Therefore, we decided to take three days to drive to our destination, and three days driving back. This would mean less time in the car per day, and more opportunity to see sites along the way!

My main concern of the trip was how to entertain the kids in the car. Here are the things we kept in mind and thought about as we prepared:

To DVD or not: Our vehicle does have a DVD player, but to be honest, I’m not a fan of it. Each family must make the best decision regarding this for themselves, with their needs in mind. Our family has never used ours. We strictly limit screen time at home, and I don’t want to be plugging my kids into the DVD player on a car trip, which otherwise is perfect opportunity for family togetherness!

Be aware of your child’s limits: I didn’t expect my kids to sit and converse for the entire trip. I know their limits, I know their capabilities, and I know their ages! I did not expect them to suddenly act differently or suddenly age five years in the midst of a major road trip. Similar to the dog years rule, one adult hour in the car equals four kid hours! My kids usually get along spectacularly well, but I was aware that they’re normally not strapped into a car for an entire day on a regular basis, either! In abnormal circumstances, it’s entirely possible they could act abnormally.

Plan activity bags: For the few weeks prior to the trip, I packed special travel bags for the the kids. I included Mad Libs, activity books, colored pencils, regular pencils, and drawing paper. I printed off a bunch of webpages, such as information on each state that we would be traveling through, a map of the US where they can check off the all the different license plates we see, dot-to-dots for my youngest, and mazes and puzzles for my oldest. I kept back half the the items and activities, so that I could give them new items for the trip home. I also included little snacks in their bags, renewed every day, so that they could help themselves whenever they were feeling peckish instead of whining “I’m hungry!!”

Audiobooks: The last thing I did to prepare for the trip was to stock up on audiobooks. I checked them out for free from the local library. My original plan had been to read to the kids on the journey, but then I realized that I’m going to be facing forward with my seatbelt on, and it will be difficult for the kids in the back to hear me. So I settled on audiobooks. I got a broad variety of chapter length audiobooks; some the kids are familiar with, and also some new ones. I then printed off a list of all the audiobooks available, and included a copy in each kid’s activity bag.

It’s now been six weeks since we traveled, and I’m ecstatic to report that the trip was a success! We all loved our “car days”, as we called them. We loved talking and singing together, and being with each other for over two weeks! We all loved the audiobooks, and the kids enjoyed their activities. There were no quarrels, no whining, and no impatience. We discovered lots of playgrounds along the way, and saw lots of sites that the kids would never have seen otherwise. They learned things about each state we visited. They each kept a trip journal. They waded in two of the Great Lakes!

My husband and I are already making preliminary plans for our next road trip! We love being together in the car!

What are your tips for keeping kids occupied in the car?

photo credit: thomas pix

Sarah is the mother of two delightful children, and drives way more than she ought.

Related posts:

1. Travel to Attachment
2. Christmas and Crisis
3. Healthy Fear and Careful Responses

Earlier this year, when my city was faced with a budget crisis, the mayor started making noises about eliminating bulk trash pick up. I knew the time had come to tackle a major chore I had been putting off for years–cleaning out the basement.

I’m not normally a procrastinator, but the enormity of this project was keeping me from forming a plan and getting to it. Our basement is accessible only by a very heavy trapdoor in the floor, and has low ceilings. Over the years, my husband and I had gotten into the bad habit of shoving things anywhere down there and it had become messy and crowded. I truly had no idea exactly what we had stored down there.

As I said, I did it. A big part of creating order down there involved giving away or selling baby and toddler gear and clothing that we no longer needed. Out went the double stroller, the baby toys, the infant pool float and the baby pool. I gave the pack n play and the baby gate to a friend having her first child, and the changing table and boppy pillow to another friend.

The basement looks great, but I realized the other day that my house is no longer a baby and toddler friendly place. We don’t have gates anymore. Outlet plugs don’t always get replaced when they are removed. Legos and other chokables are on low shelves. When friends with little ones come over, I try to remove the obvious hazards, but the parents need to be on their toes for everything else.

Earlier this year, we went out to dinner with family, including my brother and SIL and their then-20-month-old son. My nephew was seated next to me, and when I accidentally put my large steak knife down next to my plate, within reach of him, my brother leaned over, rolled his eyes at me and relocated the knife. He figured I would know better, but it’s funny how quickly your forget. My kids don’t grab knives, put non-food items in their mouths, or need help getting off the couch or up the stairs.

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to scarf down your food while your partner walks with the baby outside. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to plan things around naptime. Stroller accessibility doesn’t play into my choices of where to go. I no longer have diapers or baby wipes on me at all times. In fact, I carry a regular purse.

I’m enjoying all the stages as my kids, now 6 and going on 4, grow up, but I’ve also found that it makes me feel a little disconnected from friends with babies. I love it when my Facebook friends post photos of their newborns, but find I have little to contribute when it comes to baby questions because so much has changed in just a few short years. When mine were small, it was okay to let your baby sleep in his infant carseat, crib bumpers were thick and padded, and pediatricians still recommended waiting to introduce peanuts until age 3. Many of my friends are just starting their families and my family is in a completely different place. How do you connect with a friend that wants/needs to talk about teething and breastfeeding when you want/need to talk about sending your child to school and peer pressure?

It reminds me a little of after high school, when the people who went to college drifted away from people who went directly to jobs, or the time after college when people who got married drifted away from their single friends.

What do you think? Have you been able to remain friends with people at a different life stage? Have your children changed your friendships with childless couples? Has the age of your kids made it difficult to stay friends with other parents?

Related posts:

1. Time for Friends
2. Gentle Parenting Ideas Series: Brushing Teeth
3. Maintaining our right to choose

I have heard many parents talk about the terrible twos. I have heard many parents change it to the “terrific twos” because they did not want to label something that might turn out different for them that it did with pretty much the entire worlds population.

OK; so maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit, but seriously I almost get irritated with the whole thought that nothing that is going to happen to me or my child will be anything like the experience of anyone else. Why? Because I think that it breaks up the whole feeling of a wider community, a camaraderie if you will between anyone that has ever been a parent. Now don’t get me wrong; I actually do think there are not as many “attachment parents” out there, per se, and there are plenty of things that people say will happen or have to happen in a child/parent relationship that frankly I think is a load. But there are some basic things that seem to be the glue that sticks parents together in a bond of common sympathy and one of those things are the terrible twos.

It was like a light switch was turned on in my son. He went from being fairly passive to throwing, hitting, shoving, kicking… pretty much over night. And that may seem dramatic but it is true! And the screaming! He has never been a terrible screamer but this. There have been many different levels of exhaustion that I have run in to as a parent but as my son has hit two it is not so much exhaustion as it is worn out. I feel worn. The thing about feeling worn is sleep doesn’t really seem to help that much.  Thank God he is sleeping well at night now!

It isn’t all bad. He is funny. More and more personality is coming through and I am being introduced and reintroduced to my son on a daily basis. We have fun together. I like taking him places. That is until the thrashing starts, or the screaming. Discipline happens so many times a day now it is crazy. It used to be that he had some form of discipline every few days but it is every day now, several times a day. It is forcing me to get really creative.

Want to share about your terrible twos?

Jasmine is a co-housing, home birthing, missions minded, community living mama with a passion for fierce writing. She blogs.

Related posts:

1. Tantrums: Opportunies to Connect
2. The long-term goal
3. When you are feeling overwhelmed by breastfeeding